Bonjour, Bonjour!

With the 2015/2016 season well underway, the Canadian Cowboys have been experiencing great success both on and off the ice. Their performance has been nothing short of incredible, firing on all cylinders.

Andrew Hendrix was able to connect with Cowboy's captain Michael the Magic and ask what has made them so uniquely powerful this season over others.

"I think it's mostly the fact that the boys were off the ice for so long. The eagerness to get back out there isn't quite what I had hoped for, but when we get out there, the enthusiasm is just as high as ever. And I think that's what makes the Cowboys special. Like a friend who you don't talk to for many years and then reconnect with - the magic never fades. I think I saw that on a sign in the audience once - "Magic Never Fades." Whoever you are, thanks for the sign! I hope that we can get a few of the core guys back out there soon. You know, Jacques has been missing since the beginning of the season. Nobody knows where he's been. It's like --


BONJOOOOOOUUUR!!!!

And just like that, with a Kool-Aid Man-esque appearance, Jacques Bonjour crashed his car into the studio and rolled out of the driver side of his now mangled Passat.

"I have been away. I have been away for some time now. And for this, I am sorry. But I have been learning good English at skewwwl and I can't wait to lace up for tonight's game. Viva les Cowboys."


Puck drops tonight at 8:00pm with Jacques Bonjour returning to the defensive helm and bringing with him all of the fervor of pre-season action.




In other related news, Jacques Bonjour spent an hour in custody pending his bail hearing for the following Criminal Code charges:

s. 253(1) Impaired Driving
s. 253(2) Over 80
s. 219 Criminal Negligence
s. 430 (1) Mischief Over $5000

Thankfully for the sake of his future with the Cowboys, bail was set at $100,000 and the only condition by which Mr. Bonjour must abide is to abstain from the consumption of alcohol. Mr. Bonjour will also be unable to drive any motor vehicle in Canada pending the result of his court proceedings.

"This was a very irresponsible decision of Mr. Bonjour" commented his lawyer. "I don't think you're going to be seeing much of him in the next few months. I have advised that he participate in substance abuse counseling, as well as avoid the media as much as possible. He will, however, be playing in the regular season for the Canadian Cowboys. I'm a big fan, myself."

New Logo Sparks COLTreversy with Cowboy Fans

In a strange turn of events, it seems the the Canadian Cowboys we have come to love and know are discussing a logo change. In a press-conference moments ago, Mike Bigcock, new head coach of a seemingly new Cowboy team, had this to say:

"It's not as serious as everyone thinks. And nothing is set in stone quite yet. Yes, the iconic Cowboy logo is something that fans and players alike will cherish. And yes, there are so many positive memories associated with the Cowboys of yesterday. But this is 2016. And 2016 marks a new year, and a new post-lockout Cowboys. I think the old logo died with the lockout. This new logo marks a revival of the Cowboy spirit - the drive, the passion, and the connection that defines this team, and furthermore this game. Think of this as a jersey retiring. When Bobby Orr retired, so did his iconic #4. When Wayne Gretzky retired, nobody else dared wear the double-nine as dawned by the legend himself. And like all legends, the Cowboy logo will hang high in the rafters, and even higher in the hearts of our dedicated fans, as we move forward as an organization."

Perhaps we can all come to cherish the new Cowboy logo, which seems to creatively use a horseshoe to denote the "C" in Cowboys.

Pre-season games start TONIGHT in the Saddledome. While not all of the Cowboys are available for pre-season action due to illness, the Cowboys will hit the ice strong with a few of their legends, undoubtedly accompanied by other crowd favourites.

John Bates: Where Did He Come From? Where Will He Go? The Legend of the Pre-Season Cowboys

John Bates (Illuminati, USA): where did he come from? The Canadian Cowboys were short a key offensive presence for the final evening of pre-season action. Like many times in the past, the Cowboys turned to their Rent-A-Forward affiliate (sponsored by Mio Squirt). Situations have come and gone where such Rent-A-Forwards have been shining stars for the Cowboys, but none have been quite as bright as John Bates.

But where will he go? This Rent-A-Forward turned Rent-A-Legend had his time to shine on the Canadian Cowboys - and shine he did. With 4 points in 2 games, Bates had the honor of bringing down the curtain on the 2015/16 Canadian Cowboys pre-season.

However, in all of Bates' glory, some of the Cowboys noticed some peculiar coincidences...

Coincidence #1: His number...

John Bates sports the number 24. This is the 24th time the Canadian Cowboys have used a Rent-A-Forward since their debut season in 2010.

Coincidence #2: His name...

The Canadian Cowboys have been Beta testing several new plays. These new plays were only successful when they involved John Bates: Master of Beta. Master Bates.

Coincidence #3: His departure...

Just as quickly as John Bates became a famed member of the Canadian Cowboys, he made the decision not to return. When asked about his sudden departure on a 4-0 record, Bates declined to speak.

Cowboy Dusty Skater had this to say on the presence and sudden disappearance of Master Bates:

"He's out of his mind. He's such a weird guy. He didn't say much. Hell of a player though. BATES. BAAAATES we kept cheering. Our last game was a triple overtime, and he assisted my game winning goal. His performance was stellar. And when we called him back to play with us again - maybe on a permanent basis, even - well, he didn't even answer the call. We never heard from him again. I don't know. To me, this confirms the illuminati. The coincidences are just too much. Illumaniti: confirmed."

CCTV hoped to interview Bates after his last game with the Cowboys, but as Hendrix approached him to conduct his post-game interview, John Bates disappeared.

Pre-Season Battle Rages On; Tragedy Strikes the Saddledome

While the Canadian Cowboys have been experiencing incredible success in their pre-season forays, the Saddledome has been hit with an unexpected tragedy.

On opening night, a belligerent Cowboy fan took his excitement for the return of his boys too far and opened fire in the stands of the Saddledome. "He just kept firing. It looked like he had an AK-47 or something. Shot after shot after shot - fans were dropping like flies" said one spectator, inappropriately using a common euphemism.

A horrifying twenty-one fans died on opening night as a result of the unnamed gunman's actions. The reasons for the shooting are yet to be uncovered, as the shooter turned the gun on himself and took his own life as security approached.

"I think he was mad that the opponents took the lead...he screamed when they scored. He screamed so loud - I've never heard a man scream like that before. You could hear him over every other fan. And before I knew what was happening, he had a gun" remarked one fan.

Like most killers, this fan had a copy cat. Days later, a second fan opened fire. Fortunately, the shooter was not armed like the first and carried only a small pistol. However, the single shot fired ricochetted off the post and hit Cowboy coach Mike Bigcock in the trachia. While Bigcock survived the shot, his life and the life of the Canadian Cowboys was forever changed with that single shot. Bigcock's injuries have been fixed, however as a result, his vocal chords no longer function and had to be replaced with a Speakeasy 4000. He had this to say in a courageously immediate interview with CCTV:


"Y-ou kn-ow, it's act-u-ally not tha-at ba-ad. The sta-af here at the hospita-al have bee-en v-ery helpful. They are ta-aking me-e to skouul to learn ho-ow to use my ne-ew vo-oice. I thi-ink I ca-an st-i-ill le-ead the boys to victo-ory in this condi-ti-on. And like the gre-eat Martin Lu-uther King said,  'I ha-ave a dre-am. I a-am happy to jo-oin you to-oday in wha-at will go-o down in histo-ory as the gre-ates-t demonstra-ation of free-edom in the histor-ry of our na-ation. This mo-omentous decree caa-me as a great beacon li-ight of hope to millions of Negro slaa-ves who had been se-ea-ared in the flames of withering inj-uustice. It came as a joyous da-ay-ybreak to end the long night of their captivit-ty.'  And no-ow tha-at I a-am un-able to use my vo-oice, I idetify with the Ne-egro slaves of yester-year - a sla-ave to my own in-abilit-ty to spe-eak. Go Cowboys."

A valiant display of courage and strength by the coach of the Canadian Cowboys. Preseason action comes to a close Wednesday night, at which time all pre-season stats and updates will be released.

Pre-Season Tickets on Sale NOW! Cowboys Back in Action July 30th, 2015

Finally, the year-long hiatus from the blessing of Canadian Cowboy action has come to a close. The Cowboys will be taking to the ice tomorrow night (July 30, 2015) to begin their pre-season action. This will be the first time that the iconic Cowboy logo will be donned on the chests of Slippery Mitts, Jacques Bonjour, Michael the Magic, Slippery Soup, Bean Squeeze and the rest of the fan favorite Cowboys.

With a new season, as always, comes new rules - and this year is no different with the re-introduction of the EASHL. New player styles will accommodate less experienced players in the EASHL unlike years passed. In the previous Rules and Regulations prepared for the league, players were able to take performance enhancing drugs to increase their competitive edge over opponents. "Guys were skating out there with 99 speed. They'd never even get tired. The Cowboys are a great group but sometimes it's really hard to keep up with that when you're trying to play an honest game of puck" commented new head coach Mike Bigcock. This year, performance enhancing drugs are exclusively prohibited, relegating players to certain classes of performance.

"Jacques and I were talking about it. I think our pairing this year is going to be really intimidating. He's over there poking like a chutney train as an offensive defenseman, and I'm going to play the left like a Grandma's Boy, laying on the big hits as the defensive guy" said legendary LD Bean Squeeze (Burlington, ON). The Cowboys offense is also looking more intimidating than ever before. With a stunning combination of playmakers and snipers alike, two-way expert Michael the Magic will have his work cut out for him on the front end. "I'm just excited to get out there. Viva les Cowboys!"

Pre-Season action begins tomorrow night. Puck drop 7pm EST. The boys are back in town.

The Real Canadian Cowboys: A History

As anticipation mounts for the upcoming Canadian Cowboys 2015/16 season and the return of the EASHL, reporter Andrew Hendrix has put together a compilation of some of the earliest Canadian Cowboy footage. Stretching back to the early 1990's, Hendrix was able to get his hands on some exclusive clips, unavailable to many to date.

"I just thought it would be really cool to see what the Cowboys have been up to over the years and how they have advanced as players. Furthermore I think it's really interesting to note some of the broadcasting differences. From camera angles to announcement style, a lot has changed in the EASHL over the years and the Cowboys have been there since the beginning."

This is who we were. This is who we are.

NHL 16: New Features Announced! (Advertisement brought to you by EA Sports)

Did NHL '15 satisfy your every craving? Did your NHL '14 experience get better with the release of NHL '15? Did you answer no to both of these questions? If so, EA Sports NHL '16 is the game for you. With all new features, NHL '16 promises to be even less impressive than the already disappointing release of yesteryear.

ALL NEW NET PHYSICS

If you are an avid player of the EA Sports NHL franchise, then you've no doubt noticed that the net physics have been subpar in releases passed. We here at EA heard your complaints loud and clear, and have invested millions of dollars and hundreds of man hours to bring your NHL net experience to the next generation consoles. Net staying on the moorings too often? Don't worry, the NHL 16 net physics allows almost seamless removal of the net from its pegs, giving you more time to do absolutely nothing while the referee examines the source of the problem. And with all new "In the Net" mode, you have the opportunity to control the net cam - ALL SEASON LONG - exclusively on XBOX One.***

GM MODE

GM Mode? No thank you!

NEW: ZAMBONI MODE

Arguably the most impressive mode EA brings to its users, NHL 16 allows YOU the user to flood the ice between periods! Tired of making the same old highlight reel dangles? Tired of scoring goals with all your friends? Now you don't have to. Flood the rink between periods and spend the rest of your time having a cigarette behind the rink alone: just TRY and make friends! We dare you. Never before has a franchise combined the technologies utilized in sports world gaming with the technologies used in hit driving simulators such as Need for Speed, Need for Speed: Hot Pursuit, and Need for Speed 4.

ALL NEW BE A FAN MODE

The redundancy of NHL '14 and NHL '15 was communicated to us here at EA Sports and we obliged our fans - and now you can be one! Choose your seat! Pick what food you eat! Stoppage in play? Better head to the restroom with its exclusive Wait in the Bathroom Line minigame! Think you can start a wave? Hammer the A button for 60 minutes and find out. Can't make it to the game? Scalp your tickets outside the arena and go home! Or give them away! We don't care, we already have your money. Tired of playing Be a Fan alone? Well you're in luck. NHL '16 brings with it all of the impressive party-mode gaming features in NHL '15 - time your online-fan-play experience just right and maybe you'll end up at the same game as your friends! Or maybe you won't.

NHL '16: Play it, or don't!


***Unfortunately due to the increased RAM demand that net physics creates, NHL '16 has experienced a dramatic decrease in graphic quality. But we here at EA Sports know that graphic quality is something you, the fans, care less and less about each year. We are a franchise dedicated to high quality gameplay, even if that means at the expense of graphics, money, and/or gameplay. Link to all new NHL '16 graphics image below:

http://img.gamefaqs.net/screens/8/a/f/gfs_34460_2_2.jpg

League Announces Official Start Date; Cowboys Announce Official Coaching Change

Just as quickly as the Canadian Cowboys announced that they would be closing the iconic saloon-shaped doors to the Saddledome has the league announced an official start date to the EASHL's 2015/16 season. Spectators and die-hard fans alike will have the opportunity to watch their Cowboys take to the ice yet again on September 15th, 2015 when regular season play will commence.

"The moment the announcement was made, fans came running to the 'Dome to purchase their season tickets. It was chaos - a true stampede if I ever saw one" confirmed one employee. According to the official record, season tickets for the 2015/16 season sold out in record time: fourteen minutes and thirty one seconds. As has been the ritual from their first season in 2010, Cowboys and Cowgirls will be given their very own cowboy hat as dawned by their team's logo upon arriving to the first game of the season.

"We thought it would be a good PR stunt." explained the new Cowboy coach Mike Bigcock. "You know, kind of like how teams hand out towels to their playoff fans. But instead, the Cowboys are going to be giving their fans something to put on their heads and unite all season long. The playoffs are going to start right out of the gate for the Cowboys." Bigcock continued: "The level of fan excitement that is going to be present in the Saddledome on the 15th is going to be like nothing the players have ever experienced. I think we're going to be bringing our best game to the ice and the fans are going to have a show worth every penny."

Bigcock was asked by many reporters about his coaching strategy with an elite team such as the cowboys. Until now, the questions have gone unanswered but Cowboy reporter Andrew Hendrix was finally able to have their new leader answer a few of the burning questions. Hendrix asked Bigcock what he would do differently from their last coach, Scott Hendry (Burlington, ON).

Bigcock on the bench during an exhibition game with (L-R):
Stinky Mits, Dusty Skater, and Michael the Magic

"I think the main thing with these guys is to let them play their game. It's a game that has won the cowboys countless elite league qualifications and a handful of elite league titles, particularly through the '13 season. So I don't think I'll have to make too many changes to their game."

Hendrix asked about Bigcock's feelings on the front and back end of the Cowboys.

"You know I think we have one of the tightest teams across each line, laterally and vertically. I think it's important that the boys on the back line remember to keep their pokes clean and to make sure they don't commit too hard to the outside. That's something that we've been working on during training and I think we're starting to see the defensive game tighten right up. As for the offense, I think the Cowboys are going to light up the scoreboard all year long. We've got guys like Bumbai and Magic leading the team right out of the gate, and Dusty's ability to win the draws is unparalleled in my opinion. I mean, you've got these guys who are born to score. We've seen them in the N (Bigcock is referring to the farm league for the EASHL, the NHL) - guys like Crosby and Gretzky who are just born with a certain spirit for the game. And I think our scouts have done a phenomenal job getting a group of those guys together over the years. This team keeps getting stronger and I'm just here to guide them to the top where they've been time and again."

Ex-coach of five years Scott Hendry spoke to the media and released a short statement regarding his feelings on the coaching change.

"Oh COME on. Without me, they're done dude."

Regardless of the reality, it would seem that Mike Bigcock promises an even more eccentric offensive presence, and a somehow tighter defensive prowess this year.

Interested readers can hear the remainder of Bigcock's comments here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IDumJG4RXt8&feature=youtu.be&sf38668193=1

Viewers can tune in to NBC on September 15th when regular season play will begin in what promises to be the most exciting Cowboys season in history.

EASHL Confirms 2015/16 Cowboy Season: Cowboys Gallop Through Lockout

Eager fans during the EASHL lockout attending an EASHL farm league NHL game.

In a shocking turn of events, the previous contractual mess in which the crowd-favorite Canadian Cowboys found themselves has resolved. The EASHL has confirmed that the lockout experienced by players and fans alike will officially end this fall.

"I just can't believe it" said one adoring fan. "I've missed watching Cowboy hockey so much. I've just been watching vintage Cowboy games on CCTV (subscriptions available to Canadian Cowboy TV through the EASHL website starting at $69.99/year) all season."

Although CCTV brought an incredible revenue for the club during the lockout, it would seem that money is of no concern for the players who are eager to hit the ice with their teammates once again. So what have the Canadian Cowboys been doing during the lockout to keep themselves in shape and prepared for what promises to be a heart-filled, action-packed season? We at realcanadiancowboys.blogspot.com have the answers.

Journalist Andrew Hendrix (Toronto, ON) was able to meet with several of the fan-favorite Canadian Cowboys for exclusive interviews. Hendrix traveled to Burlington, Ontario to meet with Chunkai Bumbai.

Hendrix: So tell me Bumbai; the fans have been so curious about your off-season. Do you think you're ready to lace up with the Cowboys again?

Bumbai: You bet I am. Of course. Salmon. I've been working on my cardio a lot this year; a lot of resistance training. Oh and soup. I ate so much soup. Soup is my Destiny.

Hendrix: Of course. The fans know that your favourite food is soup. But what kind of soup does an all-star right winger such as Chunkai Bumbai prefer?

Bumbai: Well you know. Anything. Any kind of soup. Chicken noodle. Salmon Soup. I like chunky soup. I like soupy soup. Any kind of soup.

Hendrix: [laughs] Hear that kids? Soup seems to be the secret to success. Keep your soup on the ice.

And it is the same soup-like heat that Bumbai plans to bring to the ice during the 2015/16 season.

Hendrix had the pleasure of meeting with the starting center for the Cowboys, Dusty Skater.

Hendrix: Thank you for meeting with me today, Dusty. The fans are really excited to hear what you have to say about the upcom--

Dusty: Did you bring me my Caramel Machiatto? I can't do this interview without my 'BUCKS.

Hendrix: Yes of course. Here you are. So the question we all want to hear answered: what have you done during the off season to prepare yourself for the end of the lockout and the consequent return of the Canadian Cowboys? Do you think the team will be as dynamic and offensively powerful as they were in years past? Or do you think the lack of connection over the lockout will effect them?

Dusty taking one of many face-offs for the Canadian Cowboys.

Dusty: I think we're going to be coming out of the gates firing from every cylinder. I think the boys are really eager to get back out there. And it's not like we haven't been playing in the offseason. We've all been practicing in tournaments and skating most days. Well. I haven't. But that doesn't matter. I don't need to. 

And it would seem that Dusty was not kidding. Upon further investigation, it would seem that the legendary Dusty Skater (Burlington, ON) has taken to the ice less than a dozen times in the off-season. However, one notable appearance by Dusty was a competitive game of 1 on 1 with his starting defenseman Jacques Bonjour (Montreal, QC). We interviewed Bonjour about this and his prep for the upcoming season...

Hendrix: Hello, Bonjour. 

Jacques: Why you say hello two times? I am here. Bonjour, mon ami.

Hendrix:...yes, well the fans are all wondering: how has an all-star defenseman such as yourself managed to stay out of the public eye for the entire duration of the offseason? Many fans are speculating that your training has been so intense as to preclude you from making any public appearances.

Jacques leveling an opponent during the off-season.

Jacques: Yes Mr. Hendrix. Well I will tell to you that I have been doing a lot of practicing on my English words. I have been making to try to make people to know what I am trying to say when I say the words in the language of English, do you know? I think my English has become even more good than some of the other team members on the team that I am on. Je prefere francais, absolutement...mais, j'adore l'anglais aussi. But many of the people who yell at the Cowboy games like to yell in the English so I must know the English to know what they are yell. I also do the gym to make my legs ready for the skating.

It would seem that future interviews with Jacques Bonjour may be more accessible to the English speaking fanbase. From Montreal, Mr. Hendrix took a flight to the other end of the country to speak with the goon-turned-sniper, Stinky Mits.

Hendrix: Thank you so much for having me in your home, Mr. Mits.

Stinky: Ah no problem at all, but call me stiinky.

Hendrix: Of course, stinky. So please tell us what the offseason has held in store for Stinkbreath. It seemed that the end of the 2013/14 season was on the upswing for you offensively. At one time you were considered the fighter of the Cowboys but in the dying light of the previous season you seemed to be a much more valuable offensive presence.

Stinky: Ah yeah, haha, I do like to snipe pretty hard and dangle. I'm not Benyanthekenyan, but I do like to dangle and snipe. WES SHUT UP.

Hendrix: That's a cute dog. Where did you come up with the name Wes?

Stinky: My wifey wanted to name our dog Wes, and Stinkymits doesn't like to argue. Unless I'm on the ice. I'm going to ruin a couple of lives this season. I can't wait to drop the mits.

It would seem that Stinky Mits has done very little off-season preparation and his offensive skills may suffer thusly. However, the Canadian Cowboys have always done well with the aggressive power of Stinky Mits on the wing.

With that, our journalist here at blogspot.com made his way back to Burlington, Ontario to speak with Bonjour's defensive partner Bean Squeeze.

Hendrix: A close personal friend of blogspot, Bean Squeeze; it's always a pleasure having the opportunity to interview you.

Bean: Being interviewed by blogspot is always great. It gets me more excited for the season than a big Christmas ham.

Hendrix: So what have you been doing to prepare for the upcoming EASHL season? Do you think you're ready to hit the ice with the same intensity as year's passed?

Bean: Oh Sally Struthers you bet I am. I know the guys are all really eager to get back out there and that makes me feel Super Slammy. Go Hawks, though. 

Surrounded by bottles of wine and gin, Bean seemed more ready than ever to skate.

Finally, Mr. Hendrix journeyed to the desolate wastelands of Georgetown, Ontario to meet with the fan-favorite, lover-boy, dazzling smile, lady-charming Captain of your Canadian Cowboys, Michael the Magic. And in one word, that's exactly what this interview was. Magic.

Michael: Hey man! Thanks so much for meeting with me [teeth gleaming in the fluorescent light of camera 2].

Hendrix: This is truly a pleasure to be in the company of such a legendary EASHL player. You truly are a legend. I'm a huge fan, myself. I've watched you carry the Cowboys on those...broad shoulders...time and again. And there I am in my living room, night after night with my beer and my bottle of jergens, cheering - no, screaming - louder than the night before. I think it's really amazing, the team you've brought together here.

Michael the Magic celebrating after his 1000th career goal.

Michael: oh wow thanks! Yeah it's a really good group of guys th--

Hendrix: And the way you carry the puck into the zone. To be that puck..

Michael: ...Yeah for sure. Well I think we're going to be stronger than ever this year. Some people say that the time off might effect the boys adversely but I think just the opposite. I think that the time off has really allowed us to freshen up our skills, and sharpen our skates to a perfect point. Our opponents should watch out for the Cowboys this year. Because we're going to be coming. Hard.

Hendrix: Say that again.

[content unavailable].

So there you have it. The Canadian Cowboys are back. The iconic logo has been rehung on every Canadian street and in the windows of many fans' bedrooms. And with the return of the logo comes the return of your favorite EASHL team. Regular season play is scheduled to commence on September 9th, 2015 according to the rules stipulating the contractual agreement between the EASHLPA and the league. Welcome back boys. This is who we are.